


tonight we are real

by wordsandwickedthings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Fear, Fear of Death, Harry has a panic attack, M/M, Panic Attacks, draco tries to help, key word 'tries'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:41:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23708563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsandwickedthings/pseuds/wordsandwickedthings
Summary: Harry has a panic attack in the bathroom while he assumes everyone was asleep; Draco walks into the chosen one screaming underwater. And even though Harry wants him to leave, he refuses to until Harry tells him what's wrong.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 131





	tonight we are real

**Author's Note:**

> how is everyone doing? I hope you're all well and staying safe.   
> I know a stupid fanfic won't save the world but maybe it'll distract you for a few minutes from the craziness that has become all of our lives.   
> enjoy :)

Harry was unraveling. 

He could feel it in his shaky breath as he eased himself into the bath he’d drawn. 

It was far too late; the sun had dipped under the valley as the rest of Hogwarts slept peacefully around him. Harry couldn’t sleep though – his mind running too fast and too far for him to dose off. 

He thought the heat from the bath would calm him, but it didn’t seem to be doing anything to his aching joints. 

He knew why he couldn’t sleep, even if he was trying to ignore it as best as possible. His scar throbbed. Proof of his connection to a monster that was still out there – that was rebuilding his army. When his scar ached, it sent his mind and body into a panic. 

And what brought him the most stress was the fact that despite what everyone was telling him, he knew his enemy was out there, he had seen it with his own eyes. He watched Cedric Diggory die to him.

The chosen boy pushed Cedric to the back of his mind, his nerves itching against his flesh at the thought.

Harry had built an army too after that, which was the weirdest part. He was preparing for war, just like his enemy was. Because the war was coming. 

War, war, war. 

Harry dug his nails into his skin, grounding himself with the pain. He wasn’t a soldier, he knew that, he was just a kid. 

He wasn’t allowed to be a kid anymore though; he knew that all too well. Even if he didn’t choose this life, he had to bear it, if he didn’t people could die because of him.   
Because of him, because of him, because of him. 

Harry took in a sharp inhale of breath, running his hands over his face to try and get that thought out of his head. He slapped his fingers against his cheek as hard as he could in an attempt to keep himself present. 

But it was true, his mind argued, if you don’t win that means you know who does. 

And if you know who won – If he lost - 

Harry thought of everyone he loved, everyone who took him in even though they knew who he was – what could happen to them just for caring for him. Harry pounded his fist against his head. If he fails, they’ll die. 

They’ll die, they’ll die, they’ll die. 

The dark-haired boy's breathe became shallow and short as his brain raged. He couldn’t think straight – couldn’t collect himself enough to stop himself from screaming through a clenched jaw. 

Without a second thought, Harry dunked his head under the water and let out a mangled scream. 

“what in fucking Merlin.” 

Harry shot out of the water, whipping his eyes to see Draco standing in front of the bath staring at him as if he’d grown a second head. The chosen boy pated his shoulder; no, still just one. 

The fidgety boy didn’t want to deal with this right now. 

“go away, Draco,” Harry spat, sliding so he was resting his head on the edge of the bath, watching the ceiling instead of his nemesis. 

“why were you screaming?” Draco asked, very much not going away. 

Harry looked at the other boy, who was only wearing a t-shirt and pajama bottoms – with his arms exposed the chosen one could clearly see his mark. A tattoo on his forearm that proved who he belonged to, who he was loyal to. 

Harry tried to catch his breath, tearing his eyes away from the magic on his skin and shook his head, “I know you don’t actually care, so please just leave.” 

He wouldn’t let Draco get to him, he couldn’t. 

“You look dreadful, potter.” Draco crossed his arms.

Harry rolled his eyes, “So I’m not going to win the beauty pageant?” 

“the what?” 

“Nothing, Draco,” Harry sighed, “it’s a stupid joke.” 

Draco rolled his eyes, “it would help if you were actually funny.” 

Without thinking, Harry banged his fist against his head, muffling the frustration he felt. “why are you even fucking here?”

The Slytherin stared at him for a second, and for the life of him, Harry couldn’t see what was going on behind the grey. Without warning, Draco stripped his shirt off. 

“what are you doing?” Harry shouted. 

Draco didn’t listen, tossing his shirt aside and grabbing at the elastic of his pajama bottoms, tugging them off.

“Why are you taking your trousers off?” Harry's eyes bulged. 

Draco rolled his eyes, “well I’m not getting my only clothes wet, am I.” 

“You are not coming in here!”

“Oh, yes I am.” 

Draco gripped at his boxers. 

“NO!” Harry screamed, pointing a finger at him, “no, if you’re coming in here your underwear stays on.” 

Draco laughed, “no need to be embarrassed, potter.” 

“I’m not embarrassed,” the Gryffindor scoffed, hoping his cheeks didn’t look as hot as they felt, “I’m repulsed.”

The blonde gave him a look, dropping into the hot water so it splashed in Harry’s face. 

“what are you doing?” 

“You seem upset,” Draco said, taking some of the bubbles and flicking them at the other boy. 

Harry smacked them away, sitting up so the two boys were properly staring at one another. “and you care because?”

The blonde boy watched him closely, wading so he was in the middle of the bathtub, “when did I say I did.” 

“you’re a prick.” 

Draco shrugged, putting some bubbles on the top of his head, “probably, but I’m the only one here so you might as well vent.” 

“Vent,” Harry repeated, “to you?” 

“who better than someone who doesn’t care what you say.” 

There was something in the way Draco said it that made the Gryffindor not believe him. He didn’t know how that seated with him. 

Harry scoffed, “your mark says you do care.” 

Draco dipped his arms under the water, crossing them, and floating back so he was leaning against the other side of the tub. 

“so that is why you’re upset?” the blonde boy said listlessly, “you know who?” 

Harry watched the other boy fidget in his seat, and asked, “does it matter?” 

“that’s just another way of saying yes.” 

“I – I can’t deal with your cruelty tonight,” Harry tried to ignore the tremor in his voice, “seriously just go.” 

Draco waded over to where Harry was, kneeling so all the chosen one could see was him, “so I won’t be cruel this time.” 

“why would you do that?” 

“Look,” Draco said, “I’ll make you a deal; you tell me why you’re hiding in the bathroom at midnight and I’ll tell you why I am.” 

Harry kept his eye on the Slytherin, his mind racing. He wasn’t going to tell Draco his fears, was he? He didn’t trust Draco even slightly, and he certainly didn’t trust him with his thoughts on he who can’t be named. He hates you, harry had to remind himself, he doesn’t care if you are hurting. But maybe that was why he should tell him – because he doesn’t care. It wouldn’t be like with Ron or Hermione, who would lie over and over again. Saying they would be fine, saying everything would end up okay, saying he was strong.   
He needed someone to acknowledge the truth, no matter how bitter it was. 

Harry flexed his fingers, barely whispering, “I’m scared.”

Draco furrowed his eyebrows, “okay.” 

“If I fail. If I – die,” Harry said, “everyone I love dies. I can’t – I can’t win though, he’s too powerful and I’m – I’m just me. How could I stop him?” 

Draco watched him for what felt like hours, and Harry could feel the burn of tears in the back of his eyes. The blonde reached his hand out, hovering it over Harry’s shoulder. Their skin didn’t touch, but the black-haired boy found some sort of comfort in the closeness. It felt strange. 

“Go on then,” the chosen boy whispered, scrubbing his hands over his face, “why are you here?” 

Draco sighed, pulling away from him, “I – I’m scared too.” 

“what are you scared of?” 

“I have to do something,” he breathed, “If I don’t, he’ll kill my family, he’ll kill my mother.” 

Harry waded towards him, “something?” 

“Something,” Draco nodded, his gaze wouldn’t meet the raven-haired boy. “Unforgivable.” 

“Do you want to be forgiven?” the thought had never crossed the chosen boy's mind, that this person he had built up in his mind as everything he hated – wanted to be good. 

He shrugged, “doesn’t everyone?” Draco chuckled, “no one wants to be the bad guy.” 

“someone does, Vold-”

Draco rushed forward, pressing one hand to Harry’s mouth, the other on the back of his head. “have you lost your mind?” 

Harry watched him, wrapping his fingers around his so he could speak, “isn’t it funny how scared we are of a word?” he didn’t let go of Draco’s hand. 

“names have power,” the blonde leaned forward, whispering, “boy who lived.” 

Harry leaned forward too, to the point their noses were brushing, “and yet you don’t let me tell you who you are.” 

Draco frowned, shoving at his chest, “I’m not – you’re not. I’m not afraid of you.” 

“Thanks,” the raven-haired boy rolled his eyes, “I was so worried.” 

The Slytherin made space between the two, saying, “and I’m the prick.” 

Harry cringed, realizing how much of an asshole he sounded like, “I’m sorry,” he leaned back. “I get it okay. I know what it's like to feel like you have to be what everyone says you are – that you have to live up to some impossible standard that was put on you.” He tried to smile, it didn’t feel right, “I’m the boy who lived.” 

“oh yeah,” Draco spat, “how hard it must be to be the miracle. The one everyone roots for.” 

Harry threw his hands up, “you could be someone people root for.” 

“No, I couldn’t.” Draco yelled, “my family, my mark, proves I can’t.”

“you know who doesn’t get to say who we are.” 

“yes, he does, don’t you get it? We have rolls to play – the hero, and the villain. I can’t choose not to be the bad guy.” 

Harry tried to remember the boy before him was his enemy, that hours ago he thought Draco was evil, pure cartoonishly evil. The chosen boy was rethinking all he knew about the death eater in front of him. Death eater? He was not like one of them; he was afraid. He was just a teenager – just like Harry was. 

This isn’t how this was supposed to be.

“maybe,” Harry said, “out there you can’t but right now, you’re just Draco, and I’m just Harry. No one gets to say who we are tonight.” 

he could feel Draco inhale, the other boy staring at him with such an intensity Harry was afraid he was going to hex him. 

And then Draco lunged forward again and pressed their lips together in a frenzy. 

As soon as his lips were there, they were gone, and Draco was scrambling to the other side of the bath. “I – Shit – uh.” 

Harry didn’t give him a chance to find his thoughts, chasing after him only to stop short of pressing his chest to Draco’s. he didn’t know what he was doing, he wasn’t thinking. “is it okay if I -?” 

“yeah.” 

The chosen boy floated forward, placing his hands on the edge of the bath so Draco was trapped between his arms; and before he lost his nerve, he swooped his mouth down to Draco’s. he could feel the blonde hesitating, fearing. He pushed his mouth against his harder, prodding at his lips with his tongue until Draco opened up, kissing back with the same force. 

Harry pulled himself so he was sitting in Draco’s lap, trading his grip on the bath for gripping the other’s shoulders. 

The kissing soon turned into scattered pecks in between breaths, Draco pressing his mouth against Harry’s neck. 

“This is strange,” Harry said, carding his fingers through the other boy’s hair. 

“Yes,” Draco said, scraping his teeth against Harry’s pulse, “but we can deal with that later.” 

Harry pulled Draco so they were looking in each other’s eyes, “No one says who we are tonight.” 

Draco smiled faintly, “No one but us.”

**Author's Note:**

> want to know what kinda person I am? See how unfunny I am in real-time? check out my socials:  
> tumblr - ravenclawsarepunkrock/wordsandwickedthings   
> twitter - just_adre  
> instagram - just.adrie


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